Carrot, Egg or Coffee - Which Are You?

A colleague of ours shared this with me and I am sharing with you.

A young woman went to her grandmother and told her about her life and how things were so hard for her. She did not know how she was going to make it and wanted to give up. She was tired of fighting and struggling. It seemed as soon as one problem was solved, a new one arose.

Her grandmother took her to the kitchen. She filled three pots with water and placed each on a high fire. Soon the pots came to boil. In the first she placed carrots, in the second she placed eggs, and in the last she placed ground coffee beans. She let them sit and boil; without saying a word.

In about twenty minutes she turned off the burners. She fished the carrots out and placed them in a bowl. She pulled the eggs out and placed them in a bowl. Then she ladled the coffee out and placed it in a bowl.

Turning to her granddaughter, she asked, ‘Tell me what you see.’

‘Carrots, eggs, and coffee,’ she replied.

Her grandmother brought her closer and asked her to feel the carrots. She did and noted that they were soft. The grandmother then asked the granddaughter to take an egg and break it. After pulling off the shell, she observed the hard-boiled egg.

Finally, the grandmother asked the granddaughter to sip the coffee. The granddaughter smiled as she tasted its rich aroma. The granddaughter then asked, ‘What does it mean, grandmother?’

Her grandmother explained that each of these objects had faced the same adversity: boiling water. Each reacted differently. The carrot went in strong, hard, and unrelenting. However, after being subjected to the boiling water, it softened and became weak. The egg had been fragile. Its thin outer shell had protected its liquid interior, but after sitting through the boiling water, its inside became hardened. The ground coffee beans were unique, however. After they were in the boiling water, they had changed the water.

“Which are you?” she asked her granddaughter. “When adversity knocks on your door, how do you respond? Are you a carrot, an egg or a coffee bean?

Think of this: Which am I? Am I the carrot that seems strong, but with pain and adversity? Do I wilt and become soft and lose my strength?

The Leader in Us

In Phenix City Schools (PCS), everyone is a leader.  Regardless of what you do, regardless of title or position, we are all leaders.  Everyone can make a difference.  What we do will have an impact, even to point that our actions will be reflected in our collective legacy. 

On this third Monday morning of the school year, think about your personal-best experiences; experiences that reflect your best individual standards of excellence.  What did you do? What did you say?  How did you act? 

In PCS, for us to make extraordinary things happen, and this is true in any organization, we must:

• Model the Way
• Inspire a Shared Vision
• Challenge the Process
• Enable Others to Act
• Encourage the Heart

Model the Way

Leadership is not about who you are but it is about what you do.  Titles are granted, but it is your behavior that earns you respect.  At all times, we are expected to act like leaders; to model the way.  We are expected to lead by example and not command.   The number one key to successful leadership is credibility.  Make certain that your actions add to your stature and do not take away.

Inspire a Shared Vision

Every organization, every social movement, begins with a dreams.  The dream, or vision, is the force that creates the future.  Leaders envision the future by imagining exciting and enabling possibilities.  As we STEM-form our system, just as an architect draws a blueprint or an engineer builds a model, we all need to have a clear vision of what the results should look like before starting the project.  Do not worry if the vision is not clear.  We are a work in progress and will continue to build and reveal our vision.  Also, know that you cannot command commitment; you have to inspire it. Have the vision (Schools of Inquiry, Innovation, and Impact) in mind and be clear about why it is important to you.  Be able to tell others why it should matter to them, as well.  Clear goals, vision and a positive difference are necessary to get others to buy in.

Challenge the Process

To achieve your personal-best, you must change from the status quo.  No one claims such success by keeping things the same. (We know that we must stop the trend – meat, poultry and fish cutters and cashiers. We can and will STEM students out of poverty!) Our challenges have been implementing innovative technologies (iPads grades 6-8), inquiry-based pedagogy via Investigations math programs, cutting-edge curriculum per Carnegie Learning, and unique progress monitoring and student tracking of standards by means of MasteryConnect.

All successful leaders had to overcome uncertainty and fear to achieve their best; so must an organization.  Leaders must venture out; not sit idly waiting for fate to smile on them.  Be a trailblazer; a pioneer.  Make something happen.  Be STEM-tastic at what you do.  Become the STEM boss of your hall.  Take risk.  Do not be afraid of failure (FAIL – first attempt in learning).  It is a given – if you try, you will fail.  Proceed anyway. Stay the course.  Generate small wins.  Move methodically. Incrementally move tasks and projects forward. 

Digression of a methodical nature:  A colleague of ours wanted to know where the STEM-ology came from and in to being.  I took him back to Perdido Beach and an informal, less than a quorum, inquiry of Board Members, summer 2015.  From Perdido to Dr. Marcia Burke, to Savanah’s STEM Academy, to Fort Payne, to Piedmont, then to Board in December 2014, request to the City in the winter of 2015, formation of the STEM Committee, consultation with architects which moved from wall-removal to new 10,000 square foot facility, visit with STEM vendors, creation of FOPCS to raise $50,000 which ballooned to $1.1 million, to meetings of 30 on June 2 and 100 on June 18,  pasted with professional development, new hires, mucho research and gift giving.

Know that the best leaders are the best learners and life is their laboratory.  Be ye doers!

Enable Others to Act

We must lead by empowering those around us.  Give power away.  Show trust in others in order to build their trust in you.  Constituents will neither perform at their best nor stick around if you make them feel weak, dependent or alienated (teacher retention). If you are the one doing all of the talking and demonstrating, learning is limited. 

Encourage the Heart

The climb to the top is arduous and steep, but the views are STEM-tacular!  You will become tire, frustrated, disenchanted and may be tempted to give up.  Genuine acts of caring draw people forward.  Recognition is the most powerful currency you have and it cost you nothing.  We must recognize others and celebrate victories and do so often.  

Sharpen the Saw

A colleague of ours gave me a thumb drive this summer.  On it was the last chapter of  Stephen Covey’s book The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, “Sharpen the Saw.” An excerpt from the chapter reads:

A woodcutter strained to saw down a tree.  A young man who was watching asked “What are you doing?” 

“Are you blind?” the woodcutter replied. “I’m cutting down this tree.” 

The young man was unabashed. “You look exhausted! Take a break. Sharpen your saw.” 

The woodcutter explained to the young man that he had been sawing for hours and did not have time to take a break. 

The young man pushed back… “If you sharpen the saw, you would cut down the tree much faster.” 

The woodcutter said “I don’t have time to sharpen the saw. Don’t you see I’m too busy?”

(Ouch! That smarted, so I took a day of vacation.)

As we embark on this new school year, let us all remember to keep the saw sharp, for to sharpen the saw is to preserve the greatest asset you have–you. We all need to balance the physical, social/emotional, mental, and spiritual aspects of our lives. We should: 

• eat properly, exercise daily, and rest/recover/relax; 
• make social and meaningful connections with others;
• learn something new daily, read, write, and teach others;
• spend time in nature, expand spiritual self through meditation, music, art, prayer, and/or service

Sharpening will keep you fresh so you can effectively practice the other six habits. "Without renewal, the body becomes weak, the mind mechanical, the emotions raw, the spirit insensitive, and the person selfish. Not a pretty picture, is it?"

"Feeling good doesn’t just happen. Living a life in balance means taking the necessary time to renew yourself. It’s all up to you. You can renew yourself through relaxation. Or you can totally burn yourself out by overdoing everything. You can pamper yourself mentally and spiritually. Or you can go through life oblivious to your well-being. You can experience vibrant energy. Or you can procrastinate and miss out on the benefits of good health and exercise. You can revitalize yourself and face a new day in peace and harmony. Or you can wake up in the morning full of apathy because your get-up-and-go has got-up-and-gone. Just remember that every day provides a new opportunity for renewal–a new opportunity to recharge yourself instead of hitting the wall. All it takes is the desire, knowledge, and skill.” -Stephen Covey

5 Things You Need to Know

As those employed in the field of education, know that you have tremendous power to affect the lives of those around you.  Encouragement should be a difference-maker in someone’s day, week, or life.  To this, John C. Maxwell writes in his book, Encouragement Changes Everything, that there are “5 things every encourager needs to know about people."

1.   Everybody Wants to Be Somebody

Believe in Our Students

Everyone needs affirmation.  All want to be loved and considered.  Everybody wants to be somebody.  Every student is and will become somebody. 

How can we help others feel like they are somebody?  By seeing them as a 10 on a scale of 10.  You often get exactly what you expect from people.  In the eyes of every parent, their child is the “cream of the crop,” retorted my father-in-law.  “Parents are not withholding, they are sending us their very best.”  Treat someone as a 2 and they will act like a 2.   The greatest help that we can give others is to believe in them.

2.  Nobody Cares How Much You Know Until They Know How Much You Care

People do not want to know how smart we are.  They do not want to know what you or I have accomplished.  The only thing that they really want from us is to know whether we really care about them. 

***Sidebar Leaders:  A wise person from within my office once said:  “Rules without relationships equal rebellion.”

This is a difficult lesson for some to learn.  Often we want to impress.  We want to be admired.  We want others to follow.  Most followers do not care anything about resumes and pedigrees. Most of all, followers want to know that leaders care about them and have their interests at heart. 

3.  Everybody Needs Somebody

Coach Boone and Louie

In one of my favorite movies, Remember the Titans, Coach Boone asks bighearted offensive lineman Louie Lastik if he was planning to go to college.  Louie says, “Oh not me, Coach.  I ain’t a brainiac.” Coach Boone replies, “If you don’t go to college, it’s not going to be because you’re not qualified, so I want you to bring me your test scores at the end of every week, and we’ll go over them together.”  Towards the end of the movie, Louie tearfully approaches Coach Boon.  “I got a C-plus average, Coach. I’m going to college.” Because someone took interest, Louie achieved more than he ever thought himself capable.

Look in the buses, the hallways and classrooms.  You will find endless number of people like that.  They are looking for someone to invest in them, to encourage them, to be the person that they were created to be.

4.  Anybody  Who Helps Somebody Influences a Lot of Somebodies

 

Moon Lake - Phenix City, AL

It is contagious!  Pour effort into someone else, and watch how the encouragement is multiplied. Influence influences!  The greater the positive impact you make on another person or group, the more likely that person or group of people is to turn around and influence others positively.  Encouragement has a ripple effect, like a stone cast into Moon Lake.

5.  Love Everybody

Often we choose those who we encourage.  We may look for others who are like us or we may only help those who believe or think as we do.  This is not how it should be.

A man fell into a pit and could not get out - here is how others treated that person:

A subjective person came along and said “I feel for you down there.”

An objective person came along and said, “Well, it’s logical that someone would fall down there.”

A self-righteous person said, “Only bad people fall into pits.”

A mathematician calculated how the individual fell into the pit.

A news reporter wanted and exclusive story on the person in the pit. 

A fundamentalist said, “You deserve your pit.”

A realist came along and said, “Now that’s a pit”

A geologist told him to appreciate the rock strata in the pit.

An IRS worker asked if he was paying taxes on the pit.

The inspector asked if he had a permit to dig the pit.

The self-pitying person said, “You haven’t seen anything until you’ve seen my pit.”

An optimist said, “Things could be worse.”

A pessimist said, “Things will get worse.”

Then Someone, seeing the man, reached down and took him by the hand and lifted him out of the pit.

We should love everybody, just as we are loved.  We should treat others as we would like to be treated.  Do that and others will feel encouraged. 

Let's have a GREAT school year!

Dare To Run

Cathy and I began as youth ministers before we married and continued this calling into parenthood. One of our favorite song books was entitled Dare To Run, so much that we had a yard sale (or 2), made t-shirts and took our show on the road.   While the front of the t-shirt mimicked the title of the book, the back include the notion of encouragement that we should lay aside all burdens, all that entraps and hinders, and run before others the race of life.   

We need to run the race of life with patient and endurance. It's not a sprint to the finish, but more like a marathon. Along the way we need to encourage each other, for so often we may feel like giving up, but we need to keep pressing on. We need to get rid of anything that will weigh us down. No athlete wears heavy clothing and weights while running his or her race. In every aspect of life, we need to be dressed appropriately for the race and throw off the things that would hold us back and weigh us down, so that we may be able to finish the race.  We, too, are to run the appointed course that is set before us. That speaks to me of the race we are running being our race, we are not to run somebody else's race.

Remember the movie Forrest Gump? Forrest was exceptional, both mentally and physically. While wearing braces on his legs he moved painfully slow until one day a miracle occurred.  As we was walking home from school with his friend Jennie, a group of bullies road up on their bicycles and began throwing rocks at Forrest. Jeannie instructs Forrest to run. As he runs away his braces come off and he runs so fast that the boys on bikes cannot catch him.

In July of 2014, we were dared to run; so we ran; sometimes up-hill and head-on into the gale, but we ran none-the-less.  Along this path, on many occasions, we paused to encourage one another.  We tossed to the side some ineffective methods and materials.  We replaced bad habit with good.  We ignored the noise and distractions to maintain our focus.  Looking back at the course full of opportunities, we see many accomplishments, some near misses, and a few short comings.  Oh, but the  good far exceeds the bad.  

On this last Monday on the last week of school, I dare you to run, run not to, but through the finish line.

Know that per the Supe's Kitchen on Thursday, I will take time to reflect on our many achievements. I purpose that we each make a top 10 list and compare notes.  

Champions Play/Work for Others

Most career game-winning goals – 129. 
Most career overtime goals – 20. 
Only player to play in the Stanley Cup Finals as a teenager 
and at 40+ years of age. Oldest player to 
score 60 points in a season.  
He was drafted in 1990 and presently plays 
professional hockey in Florida.  

Dr. Kelvin Elko is a world-renowned sports psychologist who has worked with numerous NFL teams and Fortune 500 companies. I have had the pleasure of listening to him talk on an occasion and one story always sticks out in my mind. Dr. Elko was talking about playing and working with passion, not just for the glory or for money. In the long run, he said, having that flame or passion will allow you to succeed and be happy. He gave the example of superstar NHL player Jaromir Jagr, who wears number 68. Why 68? In 1968, the Soviet army invaded the nation of Czechoslovakia. In the chaos, Jagr’s grandfather was jailed. While imprisoned, he fell ill; he died shortly after his release. Jagr had not yet been born, but learned all about his grandfather from family members. He has since dedicated his playing days to his late grandfather and wears 68 to remind him of what he is playing for — what conviction really means.

“So what is your 68?” Dr. Elko asks. It is a fair question. Each of us has a 68 inside, that thing that stirs our passion; that keeps us committed even when we face adversity. It shapes our convictions. Perhaps your 68 is a family member or a time or place or even a burning desire to prove something to someone.

This Wednesday, I challenge the Lady Red Devils to play for their 68.  You know who they are.  Play with purpose.  Play with conviction. Play for your teammates. Play for your coaches. Play for your family.  Play for your school. Play for those who cannot.  Play for your Creator...above all else, bring Honor and Glory.

Leading by Example

Softball Side Notes:

1. Players, thank you for representing Phenix City and Central High School with class and dignity.  Your poise under pressure; your skill in the clutch; your attitude of thankfulness; and your leadership on and off the diamond is a model for both young and old alike.  Do what you do, as you have done it and good things will happen.
2. Coaches, every organization and team will display characteristics of its leadership.  Your team will talk, respond, perform, and serve as you.  SEE #1.  Kudos to you! 
3. Red Devil Nation, over the weekend, the softball team won our first Regional Softball Championship!  Please take time out to congratulate and encourage them. Best of all, if you can, take a trip to Montgomery on Wednesday and lend them your support.

It is the little things that wins championships.

Everyone has a 68.  You teach, clean, drive buses, prepare food, fix and repair, supervise, maintain a balance...  Your 68 is one of my 68’s, our students.  Never forget why we do what we do.  Give all you have for your 68!  Leave on the field of life!

The Dialects of Love

Andy Andrews, one of my favorite authors, explains love as “dialects."   Take the English language for example- when Cathy and I traveled with the boys to Washington D.C., we sounded a little different than folks from the nation’s capital.  They would politely ignore our question or comment to ask where we were from and if we could say something else.  No matter where one might go, everyone sounds a little different, even though everyone might be saying the exact same thing!  Andy contends that there are also dialects in the language of love.  We all need to learn to speak and hear the dialects of others.  It is simply a matter of knowing what dialect the other person is speaking.  Much of our dialect is developed during our formative years and is largely dependent on the manner in which we were raised.  For example, if your mom and dad showed love with lots of hugs and touches that is probably how you express love to others, and also how you feel loved from others.

In Andy’s book, The Noticer, he uses the example of the married couple Jan and Barry are a married who are contemplating divorce because neither feels loved any more.  The husband always tells his wife how much he loves her, but she just doesn’t believe him.  She says her husband never does anything for her- she’s asked him repeatedly to trim the hedge in the front yard and he won’t do it.  It’s driving her nuts.

Here’s an excerpt from the book (Jones is wanderer/philosopher/counselor/mentor who miraculously shows up a various people’s lives during a time of crisis):

“Young lady,” Jones said gently to Jan, “your husband does love you- in fact I believe he loves you very much.  But the dialect he uses to communicate it is spoken words of approval.  It is also the only dialect he understands.  And only by hearing spoken words of approval does he ever feel loved.” … “Unfortunately,” he said, “the way we feel loved is usually the same way we express love.  Therefore, your husband did everything he could- over and over again- with the spoken word, to tell you how much he loved you.  But you never understood because you have not learned the ‘dialect’ with which he has tried to communicate that love.  You see, the dialect you use is one of favors and deeds” ….”Young man”, he said to Barry, “as desperately as she can, your wife has been trying to convey her love to you by doing things for you.  She is equally desperate for you to say, ‘I love you’ by doing things for her!  And because you haven’t understood her dialect, those little favors and deeds didn’t seem important to you, and she has felt unloved.”

Remember the hedge she wanted him to trim?

Andy use the fictional character Jones to further explain the 4 dialects of love. Here they are:

Our favorite dog-  the Retriever

1. Spoken words of approval– This type of person likes to hear the words that express love. “I love you…I care about you…You are a great husband…etc.” They also express their love in the same way. They will often tell others the same phrases.  The author calls these people “Dogs” because dogs thrive on spoken praise.

Lizzy where she should
not be.

2. Physical contact– This type of person needs to be physically close to someone…holding hands, hugging, intimacy, etc. in order to feel loved. If you grew up in a “touchy-feely” home, you probably show your loved ones you love them by cuddling. You also look for this contact to feel loved.  He calls these people “Cats” because cats thrive on physical contact- always rubbing up against you, begging to be pet and cuddled (on their terms of course!).

Feed Me
Clean My Bowl

3. Favors and deeds- This type of person shows their love by doing little favors and deeds for their loved ones. They bring flowers, they cut the lawn, they fix a broken necklace…they help with laundry and dishes. They also feel loved when these things are done for them.  These people are like “Goldfish”.  You can’t touch them, they can’t hear you, they don’t care if you are in the same room or not, they have nothing to say- they just want to be fed and have their bowl kept clean.

Have a seat and listen

4. Quality time– This person wants and needs undivided attention to feel loved. This person needs to have one on one time with their loved one.  They need to connect with others without outside distractions. They like to have dates where they can get away from the kids and really focus on each other.  These people are “Canaries” because all canaries want is attention- for you to sit and listen to them sing.

There is a basic need for people to feel loved, and to love others, but everyone does it differently!  And if you don’t take the time to understand those other dialects, well that becomes a disaster, a disconnect that can ruin any relationship.

This week, work on your relationships.  Discover your dialect of love and look for the dialects of love in your spouse, your children, your colleague, and your students.  Address those needs and your relationships will be strengthened.