Contrary
to what I said last week in that today we would talk about serving others, we
are going to be a little self-serving and discuss something that I personally
need to hear….something we have discussed before….Lay off Offenses. (Ouch!)
Career have fizzled. Marriages have ended. Friendships
dissolved. Weekends ruined (ouch, again!)
All of this at the hands of one thing: offense. Secretly if not openly,
in the hearts of most people resides a feeling that they have been cheated—by
their spouse, friend, government, employer—you name it; people have been
offended. Consider the energy it takes for the offended people to voice their
outrage at being offended by others!
Consider the time spent by those that have to sit and listen.
Today, many people are offended first and find
the reason second, and their anger publicly litters our lives (litter, litter, everywhere). In the end there is no pay
off except walking around bitter and eventually alone. This being offended has
caused a huge decrease in the number of people who practice loyalty. Somehow these offended people feel they
then have the right to be disloyal
because they have been offended.
At
the beginning of this new year, many set new goals. No matter what your new goals are/were, if
you are walking around offended and touchy, you will not achieve them (ouch, again). You will end up
losing all your energy to pouting and self-pity, and you will deserve to lose
your goals because you were offended. But being offended is arrogant because
the offended make up in their heads—and in their speech—that they would never
ever do that offense to another. Keep in mind while you are offended that you
have done things, too, to offend, we all have, and we are to be forgiven by the
way we forgive.
If
you are offended today, you will initially find company. Scores of people would
love to commiserate with you; you don’t have to leave your living room, but
rather just turn on the television to the news programs that will convince you
that your offended position is justified. We want to be offended so badly that
we inadvertently pay these people millions to tell us creatively that being
offended is not a waste but is
justified and acceptable.
Don’t
mix this being offended up with having boundaries. Remember that anger is
something you have and use to establish limits. Specifically, if someone is
walking all over you, then, when you speak up to stop them, speaking up is not
being offended; that’s establishing
limits. We all teach people how to treat us and need to establish
limits. Establishing boundaries is not what we are talking about here, but
rather immobilizing emotions that run amok, such as, "I’m offended, but
I’m not sure why yet; give me a minute to justify my rage.”
How
do we address such behavior? Talk to yourself and script your words. (I did
this all the way into work this morning J). My new script is, "Whoomp, there it
is" (as we used to say back in the day). I don’t have to play the blame
game, the ain’t-it-awful game, or the why-am-I-being-picked-on game. I just
say, "There it is. I was told to expect offenses, I was told they come
like the sun rising, and there it is."
Today, be careful not to be offended and when you are say out loud, "Whoomp, there it is" and move one.
